Why am I starting a blog? Are blogs even still a thing? Will anyone even read it? In 2019, I first had the idea of starting a blog. I knew I needed a creative outlet and thought, hey why not writing. Except the 2019 version of me thought all the questions above and decided “why even try.” Fast forward 4 years and the 2023 version of me says “why not try.” So trying I am.
In 2019 I was truly living life. I recently ended an unhealthy 2 year relationship, started a new job as a social worker and took a solo trip to Paris, a life long dream. I was ready to take on 2020. And then COVID-19 hit. 2020 was one of the toughest years to date for me mentally and physically, not unlike many. Reflecting back on my childhood there were always signs of anxiety but 2020 brought it out front and center. I was given the label of high functioning anxiety. I am very detailed (over thinker), punctual (anxious of being late) and in control (perfectionist). Anxiety is something I never saw coming. It all came to head one afternoon when I had my first anxiety attack. My heart was pounding, I couldn’t breath, I started to get dizzy and felt like the world around me was closing in. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move, all I could do was try to stay alive. I started seeing a therapist pretty quickly after that.
Around the same time as my anxiety was revving up I was going through some of the scariest health challenges I have ever faced. For reference, I have a history of chronic health conditions. My mother says that a few weeks after I was born I caught my first cold - it all went down hill from there. Since high school I have struggled with managing migraines, asthma and GERD. I was taken to specialist after specialist and at one time received a diagnosis of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) after which I was told to eat as much salt as possible and continued on with life. Back to 2020. Everything was fine until seemingly overnight it wasn’t. I was losing weight rapidly. I was getting physically ill after eating every single meal. I was tested for everything. Nothing came back positive. I continued to deteriorate rapidly. I was referred to a Gastroenterologist who completed a endoscopy in November 2020. He sat me down, looked me in the eyes and told me nothing was wrong and I should “relax more and have a glass of wine.” I was exhausted and frustrated. I felt completely hopeless. Eventually, I went back to my doctor and got a second opinion. The new GI doctor did not fuck around. I had a second endoscopy, a gastric emptying study and was finally diagnosed with gastroparesis, paralysis of the stomach muscles. Gastroparesis like many other diagnoses is not a disorder but rather a result of another disorder. The cause of my gastroparesis - unknown.
Since then I have been on a journey to reclaim my health, both mental and physical. This blog pushes me outside of my comfort zone. I am sharing my struggles in the most imperfect way. I have accepted the possibility of failure and I have laughed in the face of danger (okay not really but doesn’t it sound better?).
So what can you expect from Scorpio Diaries? The highs and lows, the good times and the bad, food reviews, rants and cats, lots of cats - specifically my (our) cat Mina. Isn’t she the cutest?
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