Guess who's back....back again...it's me! After taking a few weeks (month) off I'm back and ready to deep dive into my next incredibly vulnerable but entirely cathartic topic - imposter syndrome. I know, I know this word has been extremely buzzy lately so hear me out before you immediately move along. When I say imposter syndrome what I really mean is this feeling of not being enough. Did I peak your interest? Good. Why do we as humans continually feel we are not enough? Not good enough mothers, not good enough partners, not good enough to write a blog?! It is something I have struggled with throughout my adult life and I don't think I am alone.
As a child I was always so confidently myself. So assured and willing to put myself out there and never once guessed at my value - so when did this ever present feeling of questioning my worth come along and how do I tell it to fuck off? I'm sure if we looked at the research it would say that social media is a major factor, but I think there is more to it than that. Maybe our brains are wired to self sabotage. I often feel at odds within my own head - logically I know that I am worthy and successful and deserving but there is this little voice that echos "but are you really?" It is a dull sound in the back of my mind but over time that dull sound gets louder and louder, especially when my self confirming bias comes in. "Kelly didn't tell you what a great job you did, guess it wasn't as good as you thought." "John didn't tell you he loves you this morning, you must not be lovable anymore." Basically -WHY IS MY BRAIN SUCH AN ASSHOLE? I'm in a toxic relationship with my own brain. Admitting it is step one, good job. Now what?
That has been my question/struggle/journey the past few weeks. How do I shift this internal relationship? I am no expert but I have gathered a list of things that have been incredibly helpful during this journey.
1. Open A Dialogue with Friends and Family
Often times we feel so alone in our disordered relationships/thinking. We attach so much shame to things (topic for another time) thinking we are on an island alone when in reality - the island is jam packed full with others just like us. Opening discussions about our struggles not only helps to remove the shame surrounding them but also allows for others to counter your disordered thoughts, which can be extremely beneficial.
2. Seek Professional Help
I will say this as loud as I possibly can to all those who will listen -THERAPY IS FOR EVERYONE. Therapy is an incredible resource to discuss your feelings to an impartial third party. Yes it can be expensive and yes it can be exhausting finding the right fit but it is worth it.
3. Call Yourself Out
Confront yourself with the facts. If your friend or partner came to you and told you they didn't think they were enough what would your response be? I always find it easier to believe in someone else before myself. Continue to call yourself out when you notice yourself slipping into this negative thought patterns and challenge yourself to flip it around.
4. Go For A Walk
There is literally nothing that a walk can't fix. I ALWAYS feel better after getting outside. If you can get out into nature even better. Wanna realize how insignificant your anxiety thoughts are- go look at a 400 year old tree. Take a deep breath and just keep moving.
Do you experience feelings of not being enough/imposter syndrome? You are not alone.
Let me know what your tips and tricks are for ending your toxic relationships with your brain.
This is so on point! We all have that internal voice that tries to sabotage all we do! We need to remember not to compare ourselves to others all the time. We are all doing important good things everyday❤️❤️